Can i tell ya how good it feels to dance when no one is watching? There is such freedom in the break down of a song, and its in those kind of moments that i love life the most.

unless you allow music to touch the very deepest part of your soul, you'll never understand it when someone says that music is apart of who they are, its a piece of them. music is not who you are, its something that you love.

the same thing is to be said about Jesus Christ, unless you allow Him to touch the very deepest part of your soul, beyond the walls that we've all put up, believe me, im one of the best people at that, we all are...you'll never truly understand it when someone says that Jesus Christ is apart of who they are, actually, far beyond anything else, He is who has changed my life.

You will never know life until you learn one of its greatest lessons, how to love and be loved in return, a pure love, a Holy love, a genuine love, an unconditional love, a love worth dying for.

I know that some people couldnt possibly understand why I talk about Jesus Christ and are so open about it. Am I trying to force anything on anyone? No, nor will i ever try. Thats not my job, you need to make those decisions for yourself, otherwise they will never stick. I leave it up to Him to bring change and show you all that He is. The only thing i can do is tell ya,

"hey, life gets you down the majority of the time. but you arent alone in this. i wanna be the friend to break down your walls and share the light with you, i want to find you in your darkest place, in your most insecure, most vulnerable stage, and point you to the One who saves. He loves you and He has always wanted you to be near Him. He has always wanted you. He has always held your hand. He has never let you go, you have never been in this alone. I'll be here. I dont intend on leaving. The God who makes children laugh and believe in their most simplest of faiths, who's passion, wisdom, and understanding human beings can not fathom, Jesus Christ who was willing to lay down His very life so that you may find freedom and know that you are loved. We need Him. We cant do this on our own. There's somebody who cares."

The reason i share my faith isnt because im brave by my own strength, its because there is somebody who has changed my life for all eternity, somebody who loves me, somebody who understands me when all the world doesnt, who genuinely cares, who has given me life, is the reason why i even breathe and am still alive (in more ways then one...), and somebody who reached out to me, when i was in the darkest places of my life and on a daily basis, who reached out His hand just to hold me, somebody who has made me unique, somebody who has given me gifts, somebody who has said, "This is my daughter." somebody who was willing to give it all up for me, somebody who said

"You are worth dying for, and I came to give you life to the fullest, full of hope, healing from all of life's hurts, love, faith, kindness, faithfullness, gentleness, goodness, security, courage, strength, joy, peace, patience, and self-control, full of passion and vitality."

if you met somebody like that, wouldnt you want to share that with the world? wouldnt you want other people to find that too and know that they have the same promise? the same light from the darkness? wouldnt you want them to know the truth?

i do

"Light will guide you home, and ignite your bones."

In God's good unfailing love and mercy,

Your Mountain is Waiting, So Go and Get on Your Way

ah hem, so ha...as Chrissy has been complaining, my last entries have been well, lacking...so its time to fill the world of Xanga in on the Month of May, and nothing better then to do so with colorful pictures :)

Lets begin with Prom :)

As Cory so often has tried to remind me, i appearantly had "the best date ever" haha no but seriously, i dont think it would have been more fun going with anyone else, lots of laughs, lots of busting some mad ghetto moves haha, lots of off key singing in the car  and it was one of my favorite nights ever

The following weekend was May Fiesta, whoop whoop

We Eat McDonalds Emmi! haha we're so gangsta

The following weekend was Camp Counselor Orientation up at Delta Lake Bible Conference Center, in New York (whoah that was a mouthful haha)

 who woulda thought? dD and i actually looking pretty gosh darn cute while sleeping! haha 

 wahoo for catapillars haha and 7th grade girl screams over them

 The Fallen (www.myspace.com/xxtherevolutionisherexx)

 jo tied my shoelaces together...jerk haha

 meet susanna :)

 meet my partner in crime against mo, sarah

 meet marianne

 meet elora

   and the many faces of miss libby :) my darling dear haha

 and my personal fave, the lovely Joelle :)

Best conversation of my life because it was about You Jesus:

okay, background story, last summer our youth group volunteered at Delta Lake for a week as Haven counselors (mentally retarded and handicapped adults), it was there that dD and i experienced some of the most pure worship of Jesus Christ, something one of the girls there, named joelle invited us to...if you dont believe in miracles, it was there you would have been proven wrong (well pretty much any place on God's green earth, but thats beside the point haha)...at the end of the week, and we were leaving and couldnt find joelle to thank her, so we left her and her campers some pizza and a note in their cabin...saturday morning in a counselor training session, miss joelle walks in lol...totally didnt remember her name, but recognized her just the same...riiiight so reunited and it feels so good  became our theme song haha we reintroduced and figured out what had happened...hung out for a while but sunday afternoon, we were going around (a group of the girls) up in the creeky catapillar infested (oh man) room of ours sharing our testimonies about how we became Christians..Joelle went first, and i was blown away...alot of the things she was sharing, totally resounded with my life and Christian walk...as Elora was sharing, jo passed her cell phone over to me and mentioned that i looked like i needed to talk, and if i needed to she wanted to listen (umm yea, i am really good at hiding things! so it was only by God and just how cool Jo is, that she even called that one)..but honestly, it was crazy amazing what each of the girls had gone through and how far God has brought them...out of Wicka, out of guys, out of depression, out of suicidal tendencies, out of cutting, out of eating disorders, out of death, out of drinking, and into the Life of Light (even when we're ashamed and fallen, He's still holding us in the Light)...so through many attempts at talking and after s'mores (mmm so good haha) and praise and worship around the campfire and then The Fallen's show (which by the way, im pretty proud to say i taught all those kids how to head bang and dance! whoop baby haha) Joelle, Susanna, Emily, dD, and i went down to the lobby...an hour later, the three amigos remained, dD jo and i...and i began my lifelong testimony, going beyond what i normally tell everyone and even feel comfortable saying on the xanga world due to trust issues...i laid it all out on the table...and then joelle asked me what i had been dealing with lately, and alot of it is worry and fear, pushing God away, feeling lost, feeling the need to be accepted, apathetic and not being able to feel anything, yet feeling so far from authentic and beautiful inside and out...Money has also been a HUGE thing, since my Dad lost His job in december, its been especially hard on my family paying for everything...and He's been working as a Prof at Ashland University, but its summertime, and my family isnt sure whats going to happen...then, God gave me Joelle (and dD for that matter)...Jo's dad is also a former/occasional Pastor..which means she's a pastors kid like me..i have alot of scars from that, unless you are one, you will never fully understand it, but we see the best Christians who really are being Christlike and have such a passionate love for Him and what He wants, and we also see the biggest hypocrites and liars who pretend to follow Him and only judge others and bring them down...my family, as well as hers and many others has gotten burned by Modern Christian Churches...somedays i feel like Christians have become so focused on making Christianity into a religion, instead of realizing what it is really about, which is a personal relationship with Jesus Christ...so for the majority of my life, i have been an Atheist...yes, me...a full fledged passionate Atheist and i was bound and determined to forever be that way lol...i went through alot and continue to have struggles, as a number of todays young people have and do, the things i drove myself to just to forget the hurt was and is unreal...Alcohol is not the answer (i've been there), Suicide is not the answer (i've been there), Eating Disorders are not the answer (i've been there), Depression is not the answer (i've been there)...but then, God met me...I wanted proof, He came down and met me...i had a purpose, and i had a God who loved me, sent His One and Only Son to Die For Me, simply because He loved me, not because of anything that I could have done, or said...but because He loved all of me, every downfall, every imperfection, GOD LOVED ME...and im here to tell you, that He loves you so much...you are His precious daughter, you are His wonderful son...has it been all peaches since i became a Christian about a year and a half ago? psh pft no! God never promise us that, BUT He does promise to never leave us nor forsake us and to love us unconditionally through it all, and these days of our lives...He has a plan for each of us, He wants to prosper us, not to harm us, He wants to love us and give us hope (jeremiah 29:11)...yet for the longest time i have felt very apethic and alone, feeling so different from everyone else, like no one in the whole world could understand me...the whole me...the life of being set apart, the life of feeling like God was calling me to something bigger then all reason, and feeling as if i was going to be one of those who would lead the leaders..and shake it up..the life of a revolutionary...its a very lonely path...its a very narrow path...and majority of the time i fall lol...Joelle understood me, because She has the felt the same call...and we have both felt so alone for a long while human wise...friend wise...God gave us eachother ...She understood about the money thing and being worried about where it was gonna come from, She understood about being burned by the Church, She understood the fear and the desire for acceptance, She understood not loving yourself and wondering why in the world would God, the most Holy Being love me if i cant even love myself? She understood my struggles...and she asked to pray, so dD, Joelle, and i sat there in that stinkin lobby on midget sized couches for an hour and a half just crying out to God, praying for eachother, praying for our struggles, praying for His forgiveness and direction...i was afraid i wouldnt cry, 10 minutes later after the severe authenticity and the Holy Spirit, i was balling and snotting all over Jo haha...it was beautiful...Joelle is my sister from another mister, She is someone who knows me for me, We are so similar, and shockingly its not annoying in the least bit, its amazing!!!...She is one of the most passionate people i have ever met in my life and i am so lucky to know both her and dD...we stayed up til 4:30 in the morning that night, laughing and being stupid..and i felt free...this past week has been a trying time, but God has been faithful, He has been loving, and He has been holding my hand the whole time (which is greatly appreciated Abba) through a BUTTLOAD of prayer and direction, I believe He is leading myself and Joelle to be at Delta longer then we had both anticipated, but bring it on! He's teaching me that He does provide in far more ways that i could have imagined...He has given me a reknewed hope in Him and in Life...Praise Him, and Only Him...alot is gonna go down this summer, and i can hardly wait haha

I hope that you've read that whole thing, yea i know its alot lol, and i know most people dont actually read others xangas haha, but even if you dont believe in the same things that i do, just read it once thats all i ask and be open as much as you can...know that i absolutely love all of you  but more so then i ever could, He does, and He'd love to be apart of your life if you'll only let Him...believe me, He is a life changer and a life giver, and if anyone of you needs to talk about ANYTHING, know that i am most deffinitely always here to listen, feel free to come to me...i promise i will never judge, only love you for who you are and try to be your friend

 love with all my heart, anna

"I've got my hands in my pocket and my head in a cloud, this is how i do, when i think about you darlin :)"

p.s.-i gave into peer pressure, i have a myspace lol, give me a buzz (www.myspace.com/annabananasplit22)

p.s.s.- to the seniors: you guys are going to go so far in life! i love all of you, and am totally going to miss you so stinkin much its unreal, i've been mopey about you leaving for like the past 3 days haha